Sick Of It All Revised
by littlerikki
Summary: (Edits being posted and new chapters to come)carter is back from rehab. He and his friends deal with his recovery. They think he is fine but that has been made a mistake before.
1. Sick Of It All

TITLE: SICK OF IT ALL  
AUTHOR: Lagwagon21  
CATEGORY: JC/angst/drama/cast  
RATINGS: R  
SPOILERS: Season 1 through Season 7... mostly doesn't say much except what deals with in season 6.  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. My Tv and Warner Brothers own them.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first fan fic I have written. This fan fic will probably read as a little cliched to some of the other fan fics that are floating around, but it is my idea. I am also a lazy bastard and may not write some of it for a while but I'm sure you guys can manage. If anything I will be writing and sending chapter by chapter.  
SUMMARY: Carter is back from rehab and he and his friends deal with his recovery. Everything seems fine on the outside but that mistake has been made before.

**Author's Note:  
I want to say that I did little research for this fic. So it's nothing spectacular with facts and from what I did research I do hope I got some of the medical events in here correct. This is written for pure enjoyment, for myself and those who read it. I apologize for dragging it out so long. Just got off track I suppose. And obviously from when I started nothing that has happened in recent ER is even going to show it's face. I just hope it's put together alright and that it's something worth reading. So please, just enjoy for what it is and not what it should be. Thanks :)**

**Also, I have revised and some parts were taken out and new ones put in. So some of it is different, but the story is pretty much the same, whatever that may be. :) **

**I MUST STRESS THE FACT THAT THIS STORY IS NOT YET FINISHED... **

**There is lots to come, and lots still yet to write. So pleeeease be patient. **

**I promise to have it finished by the end of this year.  
I work a lot... so I will get a chapter up when I have time and will keep writing when I have time... **

**And enjoy what has been written so far.....**

**CHAPTER ONE **

A room, lighted only by the orange light of the early morning coming through the closed curtains of a window.. The room was unkept. The faint sound of an alarm clock was going off.

**'beep beep beep beep' **

The sound gets louder and a hand, from the right side of the bed, slaps the top of the clock. The noise stops. The clock reads 8:28 a.m.

The figure lying on the bed groans.

The man rolls over onto his back and puts his hands over his face. He lays there for a few seconds and sits up in bed. He grabs his head in pain and stands up. Realizing his mistake, he rushed to the bathroom, he opened the door, managed to turn the light on, and puke in the toilet in what seemed to be one quick motion. After what seemed like hours, he lifted his head away from the toilet and scooted his whole body over to the wall and leaned against it. His back was killing him.

"Jesus Christ" he whispered, as he gently wiped sweat from his forehead and swept a shaky, bony hand through his damp hair. He then massaged his hurting back. He sat there for a few minutes then decided to shower and perhaps shave before going to work. With the quick shower over, he finished shaving, and now he stood in front of the mirror. The face of the man he saw before him was pale and bony. His eyes were sad and tired. Standing there, looking at himself, from the expression on his face, he wasn't quite sure who he was looking at. He looked away and shut the off the light.

Walking into the living room he put his jacket on and grabbed his brown bag. He slid the shoulder strap over his head, letting it rest on his left shoulder and across his chest.. He walked over to a table in front of his couch and picked up his car keys. The man walked towards the door and thought to himself,

**'Today was going to be a very long day.'**


	2. Chapter Two

**CHAPTER TWO**

Cook County General Hospital

County General's lounge area (for the staff).

The lounge area looked like a small apartment. Walking in the door, to your right is the cabinets of food and coffee, along with the refrigerator. Right in front of you is a window. To your left and towards the back, near the window is a table. To the left of the table is a couch. To your far left, to the side of the couch, are a row of lockers, same as on the wall to the left of the door.

A young woman with long, light brown, slightly curly hair is sitting on the couch, looking exhausted.

"What time are you off?" She asked in a tired british accented tone.

At the counter, a tall doctor with glasses, a white doctor's coat, and green scrubs. He had hair all around his head but was bald on top. He was stirring a cup of coffee.

"10am" He answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering if I should stay and wait for you or try and get some sleep."

"Maybe you should ask Romano." He smiled, before taking another sip of his coffee.

"God, I don't know what is wrong with that man but when they find a cure I am going to make sure he gets it right up the ass." She said with frustration. Sighing, she stood up from the couch.

Just then Carter walked in the door and smiled at the two.

"Hey Carter" Elizabeth said with a smile.

"Hey Carter." Mark said also while smiling..

"Hey." Carter said with as much enthusiasm as he could manage.

He walked over to his locker and played with the lock a bit before opening it.

Elizabeth sighed then turned to Mark and said,

"I had better get out of here before Romano decides that he would rather have me here, doing his dirty work, than at home. Sleeping."

"OK." Mark chuckled.

They kissed and said their good night to each other.

"Good night Carter." Elizabeth said.

"Good night, Doctor Corday." He answered.

She left the lounge and headed home.

Carter already had his lab coat on and his stethescope around his neck.

He was just closing his locker when Abby ran in.

"Mark, we have a multi trauma coming in. Car versus pedestrians." She said with haste. She looked at Carter as if to say hello but with no time for verbal exchange.

"Okay. Be right there." Mark answered with a "here we go again" tone.

Abby nodded in understanding and left.

Mark poured out what was left of his coffee down the sink and looked at Carter.

"Carter. We're short doctors. Luka isn't here yet. You want to take this one?" Mark asked.

"Kerry?" Carter asked.

"I'll take care of it."

"I'm up for a trauma today."

"Good." Mark smiled.

Mark walked out the door. Carter prepared himself for his first trauma in four months, hoping to not make a mistake and followed Mark out the door.

The trauma had involved a drunk driver that hit a mother and her two kids.

Result:  
Drunk Driver: Up in surgery and probably going to make it.  
Mother: Dead  
Little Boy (Son Joshua): Surgery, not sure if he'll make it.  
Little Girl (Daughter Caitline): Dead

Carter walked out of the trauma room. He pulled off his bloody gloves and gown and threw them into the waste basket.

He started to walk to the left and down the hall but his left leg wouldn't move. He tried to move it but caused pain through his back. He stood there for a few moments before it subsided and he got his leg to move again. He walked down the hall. Behind him where he stood the little girl is lying lifeless on the trauma gurney. She has a tube in her mouth and IV's in her arms. Her chest was bloody from the impact of the car, and her head has a huge, bloody gash on the side. Her beautiful blond hair is now a wet, matt mass of blood. From the look of things, she never had a chance.

**NEIGHBORING TRAUMA ROOM**

"Time of death, 9:41." Mark deafeatedly announced.

He then put the paddles down and took his gloves and gown off. The nurses were left to clean up.

It was the mother. She was bloody as well and her chest was cracked open. It looked like she had a chance but she just couldn't pull through.

As Mark walked out of the trauma room, Carter walked over to him.

"The mother?" Carter asked.

"Yeah."

Carter just nodded his head in disappointment.

"I take it her daughter didn't make it?"Mark asked

Carter sighed.

"No. She never had a chance. There was just too much damage..How's the driver?"

"Surgery. I think. I'm gonna see how the boy is doing." Mark said.

Carter nodded his head as Mark walked away towards the elevators. Carter then turned towards the admit desk and grabbed a chart. Dr. Weaver walked by Carter and towards the stack of charts.

"Carter. I hope that you are not over doing your patient care." Kerry said.

"No Ma'am. I'm not. This is my first patient today other than the trauma that came in."

"Trauma? Carter. Was Doctor Green with you?" She asked.

"He was working in the other trauma room on the mother and the little girl needed atte..."

"He wasn't supervising? You know the rules and you have already disobeyed them. I haven't given you the okay to work on traumas yet Carter." Doctor Weaver said.

"I don't need a babysitter Kerry. Forget it. I have a patient that needs my medical attention." He said frustrated.

With that Carter walked away and headed towards exam one where his patient awaited him.

"Carter!" She yelled after him. Angrily she turned towards Randi.

"Have you seen Mark?" she asked.

"No." Came the unethusiastic, blunt answer from Randi.

Kerry rolled her eyes and crutched off towards the suture room, keeping an eye out for Mark.

**EXAM ROOM ONE**

"Mr. Schell?" Doctor Carter asked.

"Yeah." Mr. Schell answered.

"I see you've been complaining of chest pain, fatigue, dizzyness and headaches."

"That's right."

Carter took his stethescope from around his neck and put it to the man's chest.

"Can you take a deep breathe for me?"

**'Breath'**

"Okay, one more time."

**'Breath'**

"You look a little pale Mr. Schell. When was the last time you've seen a doctor?"

"A couple months ago. I had a bladder infection. They gave me some antibiotics. Seems to have worked. What do you think it is Doc?"

There was some hesitation from Mr Schell.

"You think it might be Leukemia?"

"Well. I want to run some tests to find out."

Carter put his stethescope back around his neck.

"Are you familiar with Leukemia?"

"My mom, wife and daughter died from the disease.

"Can you lay down for me?" Carter asked.

Mr. Schell layed down and Carter probed his stomach and sides asking if there was any pain. When Carter probed his left side Mr. Schell acknowledged that there was.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. I don't want to go the way they did. I don't have the strength anymore."

"Well, it could just be a small virus and I'll check and make sure the infection hasn't come back. A nurse will be in and make you more comfortable. Okay?" Carter said in the most reassuring way he could.

Mr. Schell nodded his head in agreement.

Carter walked out of the room to order the tests. He started to feel nauseous and headed to the bathroom. He walked into the bathroom. It was empty and peaceful. He turned the sink faucet on and splashed some water over his face. He exhaled deeply and turned the water off. He walked out of the bathroom and walked to the admit desk, got the tests ordered.

Luka had arrived. The ER was pretty slow this morning.

Carter walked to the Lounge to get some coffee.. No one else was in the room. He walked over and poured himself some coffee and added what he wanted to it. Then he sat down on the couch, rubbed his neck and took a sip.

"Hey Carter?" Abby called to him.

Carter looked towards the voice and saw Abby in the doorway.

"Abby? What's up?"

"The labs are back on your Mr. Schell."

Carter thought that he must have dozed off. He got up and threw his empty coffee cup away. Abby handed the labs to him.

"Oh man." He wiped a hand across the back of his neck and exhaled.

"Thanks."

"Oh, Carter?"

"Yeah."

"Weaver's looking for you as well."

Carter sighed in a laughing way.."Thanks for the warning."

"Welcome." Abby smiled.

Carter walked over toward the exam room and opened the door.

"Hey Doc." Mr. Schell said, noticing Carter had entered the room.

"Hey Mr. Schell. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"A little better since I got the IV."

Carter pulled a stool that was sitting nearby and sat down next to Mr. Schell's bed.

"Mr. Schell. Your labs came back and it shows that your white blood cell count was twice what it should be."

"I take it that's not a good thing."

"It tells us that your body is fighting a virus."

"So.... I have a virus."

Carter could hear the question and hope in his voice.

"Mr. Schell your blood shows high white cell counts and with your symptons, it's ..." Carter paused.

"Leukemia..." Mr. Schell finished.

"I'm sorry. Is there someone you want me to call?"

"No. There is no one."

"Are you sure?" Carter asked.

"Yeah, I just need to be alone for a moment."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks Doc."

Mr. Schell put his hands over his face. Carter looked at him wanting to say more but he got up and walked towards the door. He turned around and said,

"If you need anything just ask."

The man waved his hand in acknowledgement. Carter walked out the door and put the chart on the stack of already looked at patients. He picked up the phone and called for the oncologist to see him. He saw Abby and Luka walk into the lounge. He did not really want to go in there but he needed to sit, lay down, get some coffee. Anything to get some quiet. He walked to the lounge and opened the door. There was Abby and Luka laughing about something that happened earlier with a patient.

"Hey Carter." Luka said still with a smile on his face.

"Hey." Abby said.

Carter cleared his throat.

"Hey."

Carter suddenly felt dizzy and leaned against the wall. The color had drained from his face.

"Carter are you okay?" Abby asked walking over to him. Luka had become aware of Carter's appearance and walked with Abby toward Carter.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just not feeling well. Probably dehydrated or something." Carter said.

Yeah right. He felt like he was about to pass out and die and his leg was numb. The wave of nausea and dizziness passed and he started to feel a bit better. The color or what was there to begin with returned and he stood away from the wall.

"Maybe you should tell Weaver that you're not feeling well, and go home." Luka suggested.

"Yeah right. Not after this morning."

"What happened this morning?" Abby asked.

"Nothing, forget it. I'm fine. I have work to do." He said rather sharp.

With that he turned and walked out the door, limping.

"Is he limping?." Luka said.

"Looks that way." Abby replied.

As Carter was walking out the lounge door he heard Weaver call his name.

"Carter!"

He stopped, but did not turn around and instead waited for her to catch up to him.

"Carter, we need to talk."

"No, **you** need to talk, there is nothing to talk about."

She gently led him back into the lounge. She saw Abby and Luka.

"Don't you two have patients?"

Luka and Abby had expressions of 'whoa' and were on their way out.

"Carter, you were not supposed to work on trauma's unless you were supervised."

"I'm not a med student, I'm a doctor Kerry. I know what I'm doing."

**MEANWHILE**

Mark walked up to the admit desk.

"Randi, where's Kerry?"

"Said something about finding Dcotor Carter."

"Do you know where?" He asked her.

Randi looked at Mark, chewing gum...

"Heard voices coming from the Lounge."

"Thank you." Mark said.

He walked in the lounge door and heard the argument between Kerry and Carter.

"You're a doctor that's on probation for abusing narcotics."

Mark saw Carter's blank and hurt expression.

"Hey! What's going on here?"

"I'm getting yelled at for doing my job."

Kerry gave Carter a look of you're going to get it now.

"Kerry I was there."

"You were in the other trauma room."

"It was a multi trauma he was here and ready to work."

"He is not supposed to work trauma's unless one of us are in there wit.."

"Kerry drop it. It's finished. He needs to get back into the work. Carter did as I asked him to. He was only doing his job."

Mark stared at Kerry, not backing down.

"Fine." Kerry said as she stormed out of the exam room.

Carter started to walk towards the door as well, but then Mark stopped him.

"Carter you did nothing wrong."

"I know."

"You okay."

"Yeah I'm fine. Just tired."

Mark nodded his head and Carter walked out. The rest of Carter's shift went better than he had expected. Before he was about to leave, as he put the last chart in the stack, Mark walked up to him.

"Back again Dr. Greene?"

"Yep. Pulling a double."

Carter saw what was in his hands and they both started to walk towards the bathroom. He never thought that peeing in a cup could be so hard. After what seemed like hours he put the cap on the less then half filled cup and gave it to Mark.

Mark walked out the door and Carter walked to the sink to wash his hands.

When he was done, his thoughts were racing. He threw the paper towel in the trash and walked out the door.

As he opened the door to the lounge he heard Abby call his name.

"Carter!"

Carter turned around.

"What?"

"Your Mr. Schell passed out."

Carter ran after Abby towards Exam One. Mr. Schell was laying on the ground. Carter checked for a pulse then with Luka's help got him back on the gurney. Carter tried to get a response from Mr. Schell. They got him back on the monitor and reinserted the IV.

"What the hell was he doing up?!" Carte ryelled.

Mr. Schell started to come around.  
"Mr. Schell? Mr. Schell?"  
"What?" He asked confused.

"You passed out."

"I needed to use the restroom. I guess I got dizzy."

"You're sick. You don't need to be up." Carter said. "We can give you a foley so you don't have to get up."

"No."

"How about a pan and some privacy." Abby offered.

"Do I have any other choice?" Mr. Schell asked with humor in his eyes.

The three of them left the room to give Mr. Schell some privacy.

"Has Oncology been down for him yet?" Carter asked.

"I don't think so." Abby replied.

Carter sighed.

"God. Have to do everything around here."

Carter walked away to call Oncology again. He made the call. Abby walked up next to him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I called Oncology again. They said they'd be down in twenty minutes. I'm off so I was wondering if you could make sure that happens."

"Sure." Abby smiled.

"Thanks."

Carter walked back to Mr. Schell's room. He had peed.

"Mr. Schell." Carter said with a cheery tone. "Feeling better?"

"Oh yeah. Much better." He smiled.

"Oncology should be down for you in a few minutes."

"Thanks doc."

Carter nooded and smiled then left the room. He walked to the lounge and opened the door. He walked to his locker and opened it, took off his lab coat and stethescope and hung them in his locker. Then took out his coat and put it on. He pulled out his brown bag and put the folder into his bag and put it on over his head, having the strap settle across his chest on his left shoulder. He shut his locker and looked at his watch. 10:01 PM. Taking a deep breath, he walked outside. His footsteps seemed loud and out of place. He made it to the EL paltform and when it arrived he got on. The third stop he got off and walked slowly home. He was going to go home, change, then drive to Mercy hospital. Something was wrong. He felt scared and wasn't sure if he wanted to know if there was something wrong with him. Maybe he was just over reacting, you know maybe there was nothing wrong with him and he was just having side effects from the Naltrexone. He reached his apartment building and made his way to his apartment. He opened the door and took off his bag and coat and threw them on the couch. He threw his keys on the table near the front door. He walked to his bedroom and changed. Ten minutes went by and he was in his jeep on his way to Mercy.


	3. Chapter Three

**CHAPTER THREE**

Carter arrived sometime a little after eleven o'clock. He wasn't feeling well at all. The waiting room for the ER was packed.

**'I'm going to be here forever'** he thought.

He walked to the desk, was asked his problem and told to fill out a form. Carter took it and sat down in a chair next to a man who sounded like he was hacking up his entire bodies organs. Filling it out he brought it back to the desk and the lady took it, then handed it to a male nurse. He then led Carter to a small room. Carter sat down in a chair next to a table and the nurse sat in a chair in front of the table and set Carter's form and a blank piece of paper on top of the desk.

"John. Are you allergic to any medication?" The male nurse asked.

"Just compazine."

The nurse wrote it down. Then opened the desk drawer and pulled out a bracelet where he wrote compazine on it and put it around John's wrist.

"I know you wrote it down but tell me why you're here today."

Carter cleared his throat. God he was nervous.

"The past week I haven't been sleeping well. I'm sick a lot."

"Sick? Throwing up?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Go ahead."

"I'm tired. My muscles ache and I haven't been eating very much. I've also been having trouble with my left leg."

"Trouble? How?"

"Sometimes it won't move when I want it to. Then if I do move it causes pain throughout my lower back."

"Okay. Well, I'm going to take your blood pressure and take your temperature."

Carter nodded.

The nurse attached the blood pressure cuff and took the reading. A little high. Carter saw that.

"It's a little high." Carter said.

"Yeah, but it could be nerves. We'll get it all checked out."

Then the man took the thermometer and put it in Carter's ear. After a moment it beeped.

"Temperatures high too. 102.6"

He wrote it down.

"I'm going to go and give this to the desk. Sit tight. I'll be right back."

Carter nodded and wiped his hands on his pants. The nurse came back with a cup.

"I want to take a urine sample."

Carter groaned. Then stood up from the chair and took the cup.

"Bathroom?" He asked.

"Straight ahead. To your left."

"Thanks."

Carter walked to the bathroom, found an empty stall and filled the cup as much as he could.

'This is going to get old fast' he thought as he finished and put the cap on the cup.

He walked out of the bathroom and saw the nurse waiting for him. He handed him the cup and was asked to take a seat and wait for the doctor.

Time passed slowly. He drifted in and out of sleep. Hours passed before his name was called.

"John Carter."

Carter was feeling hot, and knew it must have been a fever. He heard his name and opened his eyes. He stood up but was instantly sorry. He got dizzy and pale. He would have hit the floor but that nurse from before was there and caught him.

"Easy John."

He was made to sit down again, until the dizziness passed.

"I'm feeling better."

"You don't look much better." The nurse replied.

"Thanks." Carter said saracsticly.

"Let's get you to a room where you'll be more comfortable."

He was helped up and walked where he was led to the actual ER and to a room.. The ER looked a little like County's. His "escort" opened a door.

"Here we go. You can have a seat on the bed and the doc will be with you in a little bit."

"Thanks."

He sat on the bed. He wrapped his arms around himself.

'When did it get cold?' he thought.

He sat there for a while when the doctor came in with the male nurse.

"John Carter."

"That's me."

The doctor held out his hand.

"Hi John. I'm Doctor Gray."

Carter took his hand and shook it.

"Hello."

"I assume you met Nurse Vaughn?" He asked gesturing to the nurse.

"Yes."

"He's going to take your temperature again."

Vaughn moved over to John and put the thermometer in Carter's ear again. One minute passed and it beeped.

"101.1"

John coughed and asked,

"What did the urine test show?"

"Well I want to take a couple more tests."

"More tests? What for?"

"To be thorough. Vaughn here will draw some blood and then you'll be taken to have a chest-xray and an MRI."

"What did the urine test say?" Carter asked again.

"There were some concerns, which is why I want to have these tests done so I can have a conclusive result."

"It says here that you're using Naltrexone. How long have you been on that?"

"A month."

"You may be having a bad reaction to the drug. We'll know more in a little bit. And I'll come back to see you with an answer." Dr. Gray smiled.

He left the room. leaving only Carter and Vaughn.

Nurse Vaughn went to some cabinets next to the bed Carter was sitting on and pulled a needle, a vial, and a long rubber band.

"Can you roll your sleeve up for me?"

Carter did this and Vaughn put the band around his upper arm, then drew a vile of blood. He drew a second one as well.

"I'll be back in a minute to take you to x-ray."

"Okay." Carter said quietly.

Vaughn left but came back a moment later. He gave Carter a hospital gown and told him to put it on.

Carter got up from the bed and undressed as quickly as he could. Leaving only his boxers on. He put on the gown and sat on the bed when there was a knock on the door.

"John, are you dressed?"

"Yeah."

Vaughn came in and there was a wheelchair by the door. He saw Carter's expression.

"It's a free ride." he said with a slight smile.

Carter nodded.

"I suppose it is."

He sat in the chair and was wheeled to x-ray. That didn't take as long but his muscles were starting to hurt from holding his hands above his head. He was then in the wheelchair again and was wheeled to get an MRI. He had to sit for ten minutes while another patient was finished. He didn't like the experience at all. He felt trapped and just wanted to get out. He wanted this day over with. He was exhausted after everything was over. He was wheeled back to the room where he was given an IV of saline. Vaughn left the room and after a few minutes Carter couldn't keep his eyes open anymore and drifted off to sleep.

He awoke to someone calling his name and shaking his shoulder.

"John?" "John."

Carter opened his eyes. He saw Dr. Gray looking at him.

"Hi. A little hard to wake you up."

"Sorry." Carter answered. Sitting up in the bed.

"Don't be." The Doc smiled. "I have the results to your tests."

There was some hesitation from Doctor Gray.

"What... what is it?" Carter asked.

"Your blood and urine tests show abnormal cells. Cancerous."

"Cancer?"

"Leukemia."

"Leukemia?" Carter responded with disbelief in his voice.

"So I'm not having a bad reaction to the Naltrexone?"

Another hesitation from Doctor Gray.

"No."

"What?"

"Your chest x-ray and MRI showed a tumor near your spine. It's cancerous but seems to only be slowly spreading around the spinal area. But that's the reason for the lack of mobility in your leg and the pain from your back. I'd like to have it removed before it can be impossible and cause permanent damage."

"What..." Carter coughed. "Uum.. what do you suggest."

"Surgery and radiation therapy"

No response from Carter.

"It's a treatment where they...."

"I know what it is." Carter said.

"Okay... well..I want to recommend a doctor in this area who specializes in this type of tumor removal and treatment. He's a good friend and a great doctor."

"Yeah....that sounds good."

"Great."

Doctor Gray wrote the information on a paper and handed it too Carter.

"You still have a fever because of the Leukemia so I would like to keep you here for a while longer. But I'll give you some antibiotics to take home. I want you to take them until you see the doctor and start treatment."

Carter nodded.

"May I ask the reason for the Naltrexone?"

"Why?" Carter asked curious.

"When you start treatment I suggest you stop using it because it could have an affect with the therapy."

"I was addicted to painkillers and because of my job I'm on restrictions and have rules to follow. This is one of them."

"What do you do?"

A quiet moment.

"I'm an ER doctor at County General."


	4. Chapter Four

A whole day had passed. It was night time. Carter had to work tomorrow. He walked in his door, very very tired. He felt in his pocket and his hand came out holding the piece of paper. He read it again, the reason for the information still unbelievable.

**Dr. James Kiaser  
****Tumor/Cancer specialist.  
****15346 Brooks Drive.  
****555-8673**

Carter sighed and put the paper back into his pants pocket. He set the brown bag with the antibiotics on the table, next to the telephone. He walked into his kitchen and got a glass of water, walked into the living room and sat down. He finished the glass of water and set it down on the coffee table, rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands over his face.

So many thoughts were crossing his mind. **'Surgery? No way. He didn't want it. No more surgery. He didn't want to be cut up again. One big scar is enough. He didn't need another one on his back to match. He just couldn't deal with this right now. All these thoughts. He thought about his brother Bobby, Mr. Schell, his work. God.... he wondered if Mark and Kerry were still going to let him work there. Having Leukemia, having to stop the Naltrexone. He loved being a doctor, and if he couldn't do that, especially now. He needed to keep his mind busy, his mind off of his life. So much... and no one to comfort him. He felt angry. At himself, at his parents.' **He picked up the empty glass and threw it across the room.

"Fuck!" He sobbingly yelled.

"Fuck." He whispered.

He needed something to take his mind off of things, to help him sleep. But he had nothing, no medicine of any kind. He sat on the floor for a while before remembering the bottle of liquor he had, had for a while. Carter got up and walked to the cabinet and pulled out an almost full bottle of Jack Daniels. He looked at it and without hesitation opened the bottle and started to drink this problem and his past memories away.

**(The Next Day)**

Time: 10:00 a.m.

Cook County General Hospital

"Has anybody seen Carter?" Doctor Mark Green asked.

"No. Why?" Randi asked.

"Because he's late." Kerry Weaver shouted as she walked past the admit desk.

"Oh man is he in trouble." Randi pointed out with a slight laugh.

"Which is why I am asking. He hasn't called or anything?" Mark asked sounding a little worried and anxious.

"If Doctor Carter had called, do you think we would be having this conversation?" she said with a tone of "duh" in her voice.

"Guess not." Mark said with a sigh. "Okay well, if he calls let me talk to him, not Weaver."

"Sure thing Doctor Green."

Mark walked off towards the lounge for a quick cup of coffee. In the lounge Abby and Luka were sitting on the couch on opposite sides, Malucci was sitting at the table. As soon as he walked in he heard the tail end of Abby's sentence.

"....haven't seen him?"

She got quiet when Mark walked in and he noticed this. While getting a cup of coffee he asked the people in the room,

"Anything I should know or be concerned about?"

"No." Abby said rather sharp.

Luka and Malucci shook their heads no. Mark looked at them in a very suspicious manner, then he turned around to pour his coffee.

Quickly Abby whispered, "If you see him, come find me okay."

Mark turned around just as Abby was finished. She stood up quickly from the couch.

"I have labs and... cups... of pee that need attending to." She then walked out the door.

"What's with her?" Mark asked.

Luka and Dave just shrugged their shoulders. Mark gave them both looks then walked out of the lounge with his cup of coffee.

Mark's shift went by pretty slow. He dropped off his last patient's chart and spotted Randi at the computer. He walked over to her.

"Randi has he..."

"Nope."

Mark walked to the lounge. He looked at the clock. 4:28 p.m. He opened his locker, took his white lab coat and stethescope off, put them in his locker and pulled out his own jacket. He put it on and was on his way out the door when Jing-Mei walked in.

"Hi Doctor Green."

"Doctor Chen."

"Are you on your way out?" she asked.

"Yep, I've been on since last night. Thanks for coming in."

"No problem. Has he called?"

"No. Think I may stop by. Check on him."

"Hope he's okay."

"I'm sure he is."

Dr. Chen smiled.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight Dr. Greene."

Mark walked out of the lounge and spotted Abby at the admit desk. He walked over to her.

"Hey Abby. You got a minute?"

"Yeah."

He motioned for her to walk outside with him.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Well. I'm a little worried about Carter. As his sponsor and friend I was wondering if he's said anything to you about anything that might be wrong."

"No. Not a word."

"How's the meetings and sponsoring going?"

Abby frowned and sighed before answering.

"To be honest, it's been a week since we've gotten together. I don't even know if he's been to a meeting. He's been kind of snappy, distant."

"You need to tell me these things. He needs to go to his meetings or he'll be fired."

"I know. He's stubborn but he needs to want to do this. I'll try and talk to him after work."

"Thanks Abby."

She nodded her head, smiled and watched Dr. Greene walk to his van. He started to drive home, but he was worried about Carter. No show at work and no phone call. That is just not like him. So Mark instead started to drive to Carter's.. He knew where it was because he offered to take Carter home one day. It wasn't that hard to find and not very far from the hospital. He pulled up to the apartment building. He shut off the ignition and sat in the car for a few seconds before getting out and walking up the stairs to the front door. He tried buzzing Carter but got no answer.

"Exscuse me." A young man said behind Mark.

He unlocked the door.

"You need to get in."

"Yes. A friend."

The man held the door open for Mark. He took the elevator to the second floor and found Carter's apartment.He knocked four times. No answer. Then he knocked eight times. Still no answer.

"Carter! Carter! Are you home? Wake up Carter?"

Mark looked around the hall seeing if anyone had heard his commotion. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it. Bingo. It was unlocked. He hesitated a bit before walking in. The place was quiet and dark. He found a lamp on the table, near the door, by the couch and turned it on. He closed the door very quietly, so that if Carter were here he wouldn't think someone was breaking in.

"Carter. Carter. Are you home? It's me Mark."

No answer.

He looked around and saw broken glass on the floor. He proceeded to walk past the kitchen and the living space, down the hallway further into the apartment. He walked into the bedroom and saw nobody there. The bed was not neat but it didn't look as though someone had slept in it recently. Then he decided to try the bathroom. The light was off but he wanted to make sure the whole place was empty. The door was closed and so he knocked.

"Carter." he said just above a whisper.

No answer.

He tried the knob and it turned. He walked in and turned the light on.

"Jesus Christ Carter." Mark whispered.

He walked over to the young man who was lying in the bathtub fully clothed and holding an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Mark bent down next to the tub and put two fingers on Carter's neck to find a pulse.

Found.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Carter. Carter!" Mark said while lightly slapping the side of his face to wake him up.

Carter was cold to the touch but his clothes were damp from sweat because the bathtub looked dry from any water. The now empty bottle of liquor was resting under Carter's right hand and between his chest. Mark slid the bottle out of the younger man's right hand. Carter's hand limply fell back in the same position on his chest. Mark stood, with the bottle in hand, and looked around the bathroom. The place was a mess.

"Carter. You need a maid." Mark whispered under his breath.

He turned toward the toilet and saw that the toilet seat was up. He noticed signs of vomit on the side of the toilet seat and there was still some in the toilet and on the floor. Mark rubbed a hand on his chin and walked over to the toilet. He then flushed it and took another look at Carter. He thought that he would be okay long enough for him to make a phone call. He wasn't worried about Carter not waking up because from the empty bottle, and the mess in the bathroom he was probably just passed out. He didn't think any drugs had been involved. He even wondered if Carter kept any aspirin in the house. Well if he's here when Carter wakes up, he might find out. He left the light on. He doubted Carter would even remember turning it off , that is, if he even turned it on in the first place. Mark walked down the hallway and placed the empty bottle on the kitchen counter. He then found Carter's phone off to the side of the hallway on the table with the lamp, next to the couch. He started to dial his phone number. He wanted to see if Elizabeth was still at home, when he noticed a brown bag on the table. He knew he shouldn't look into Carter's business, he wanted to know. He grabbed the bag and opened it.

"What?" Mark said with a whisper of curiosity.

Just as the phone was ringing he heard movement behind him and then someone spoke.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Carter said with an angered, tired, slurred tone of voice.

Mark hung up the phone and turned around to face the younger man.

"Carter... I was worried about you. You didn't show up for work and you never called. I came over to see what was going on and I found you passed out drunk in your bathtub." Mark said defensively.

"That still doesn't give you the right to just walk in to somebody's house. ....I want you to get out!" He yelled to Mark.

"No." Mak said.

Carter started to walk toward Mark but stopped when he saw what was in Mark's hand.

"Carter what is this? Mark asked.

He took what was in the bag out and read the label.

"Antibiotics? I didn't know you were sick... why..."

"Give it to me." He said. Then quickly ran at Mark and attempted to grab the bottle but Mark moved out of the way. Carter ran into the wall. He seemed tired and Mark did not want to get into a fist fight or any kind of fight with the young man.

"Give it to me." Carter said.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked once again.

"Give it to me!"

"Carter I want to know what's wrong? I want to help you..." Mark said.

"Help me... Liar."

Carter was standing there, staring at him with rage.

"Carter, you've been drinking, you don't know what you mean. Please, I'm your friend. Tell me...."

**MEANWHILE**

Kerry was at the admit desk. Luka was at the board, erasing patients who had already been treated. Abby walked up to the desk with a folder in her hand.

"Dr. Weaver?"

"Yeah Abby?"

"I was looking for Mark, I have a lab for him."

"Mark's off, I'll take it."

Abby handed it to Kerry. Kerry opened and saw that it was Carter's urine results. She stared at them. She saw the results and the abnormal numbers. Abby saw her expression as did Luka.

"Randi, get Mark on the phone tell him to come back right now. I'll be in the lounge."

"I wonder what that was all about?" Luka wondered to Abby.

"I don't know." She replied.

Kerry picked up the phone in the lounge and called Carter's number. It rang with no answer. She got a beep and started to leave a message.

**CARTER'S**

They stood there in silence for about a minute when Mark spoke up.

"Do you want to keep your job? Are you so afraid of letting somebody in?" Mark asked, trying to get Carter to understand that he isn't the enemy.

Just then the phone rang and Mark felt a fist come in contact with his face. Carter had punched him in the face. Carter grabbed the bottle from Mark's hand and started to run for the kitchen. Mark got back to his feet and grabbed Carter. He brought him crashing to the ground. Carter lost grip of the bottle and it rolled under the coffee table.

"Carter. I am here to help you."

"Bullshit." Carter said with a struggling voice.

The phone was on its third ring. Mark had him pinned down and Carter was struggling to get free. Carter finally broke free and pushed Mark away from him and into the couch. Mark grabbed him before he could get far.

"Let go of me!"

"Carter why are you acting this way? What's wrong? Why can't you talk to me?"

Just then there was a beep and then Dr. Weaver's voice was heard. Mark and Carter both got quiet.

**beep** "Carter. Carter it's Kerry. I have the results to your urine test and I need you to come in. There were some abnormal results. I want you to come in for a blood test. ummm.. please call here or come in as soon as you can. Bye." **beep**

Realizing that he now didn't have a choice Carter calmed down and relaxed his body. Mark relaxed his grip and Carter pushed him away. He scooted his body to rest against the kitchen counter.

"You want to know?"

"Yes, I do."

"Leukemia."

"Carter..." Mark said in an 'i'm sorry' tone

"Don't." He quickly said, cutting Mark off.

"What?"

"Feel sorry. Be sorry. It isn't your fault."

"Were you ever going to tell anyone?"

"I would had to of told you and Kerry. I... I have a tumor. He suggests I stop using the Naltrexone because of the effects it might have with my treatment."

"I'm sure we can understand that."

"God.... my head hurts."

"Well.... my face hurts."

Carter smiled.

"Sorry."

Mark smiled.

Carter stood and looked through his cabinets. He started to laugh.

"What's so funny." Mark asked.

"I just realized I don't keep aspirin around anymore. Actually I don't keep anything like that in the house. Which explains the alcohol." He said realizing what a mistake that was to say it in that way.

"Carter." Mark said sounding disappointed.

"Which I am starting to regret."

"Yeah. I bet."

"So..."

"You work tomorrow right?"

"Yeah."

"I'll let Weaver know and we can discuss this tomorrow."

Carter nodded his head and rubbed a hand through his hair.

"You need to get some rest. I got to get home. Elizabeth might be worried since I was off at four-thirty and haven't been home yet. And Carter. You need to call Abby."

"Yeah...... Thanks."

"Welcome... Night Carter."

"Night Dr. Greene."

Mark walked out the door and Carter exhaled deeply. His back was throbbing. The alcohol was probably blocking any pain he would be having. He rubbed his lower back then looked at the clock. The time was 5:03 p.m. He walked to the table and grabbed the bottle from underneath. He went to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and took one. Then he walked to the bathroom and saw the mess on the toilet and on the floor. He also noticed how dirty the rest of the bathroom looked.

"I gotta get a maid."

Carter got some soap and paper towels and cleaned up the vomit. Then he threw the paper towels away and left the soap on the counter sink in the bathroom. He decided that he had better get some sleep. He thought about taking a shower but realized how much energy that was gonna take. He would probably fall asleep while taking one. He did not want to take the chance of Mark coming in his house and finding him passed out, naked in his bathtub. So he shut the bathroom light off and walked to the bedroom. He took his dress shirt, tie and his shoes off and left them lying on the floor where he stood. Then he crept into bed and was fast asleep.


End file.
